Why Women Want the Man Other Women Want
- rob6022
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
And why outlawing God’s design didn’t remove the instinct, it just pushed it into the shadows
If you have ever wondered why a man suddenly becomes more attractive the moment another woman desires him, you are not imagining things.
You are observing a pattern that shows up across psychology, biology, anthropology, and Scripture itself.
Scientists call it mate-choice copying. Scripture calls it wisdom and discernment. Modern culture pretends it should not exist.
What mate-choice copying actually means
Mate-choice copying is the observed phenomenon where women find a man more attractive once they know other women have already chosen him.
This is not fringe theory. It has been documented repeatedly in behavioral science.
In one study, women were shown a photo of a man and asked whether they found him attractive. About 60 percent said yes. When the same women were told that the man was married, with no other variables changed, attraction jumped to roughly 90 percent.
Same face. Same photo. The only difference was female validation.
That does not mean women are insecure. It means women are strategic.
Women evolved, and were designed, to read social proof as a shortcut for safety, competence, and leadership. A man who has already been chosen signals something important: other women have vetted him.
This instinct is everywhere in nature
This pattern did not begin in dating apps or Instagram DMs.
It exists throughout the animal kingdom, including in primates. Female chimpanzees do not compete for the loneliest male sitting on the sidelines. They pursue the dominant male who already has females around him.
Why?
Because instinctively, they know that male has already proven something essential:
Strength
Provision
Protection
Leadership
Humans did not evolve separately from this reality. We carry the same instincts, just expressed through culture, language, and moral frameworks.
The instinct was never the problem
Here is where the conversation goes off the rails.
The problem is not that women desire men who have already been chosen.The problem is that the modern church decided to outlaw the only structure God designed to contain that desire righteously.
Biblical polygyny was not a loophole. It was a framework.
When Scripture describes households with one man and multiple wives, it does so without condemnation. These households came with responsibility, provision, inheritance, protection, and covenantal accountability.
When that structure was removed, the instinct did not disappear.
It simply went underground.
What happens when covenant is outlawed but instinct remains
We are now living with the consequences.
Today:
Roughly 80 percent of women are pursuing roughly 20 percent of men.
Cheating is normalized.
“Are We Dating the Same Man?” groups exist in nearly every major city.
Women share men informally, secretly, and without protection.
Good men sit invisible in churches because no woman is choosing them first.
Women are already sharing men. They are just doing it without covenant, without protection, and without honesty.
This is not holiness. It is chaos.
Suppressing design does not create purity
There is a dangerous lie that says if we forbid something strongly enough, people will stop wanting it.
Scripture teaches the opposite.
When God’s design is suppressed, you do not get righteousness. You get hypocrisy.
When women are forbidden from forming households with the men they are already drawn to, they still choose those men. The choice simply takes sinful forms rather than covenantal ones.
The instinct did not fail. The structure did.
This is why Scripture makes so much sense in hindsight
Once you understand this, biblical marriage suddenly becomes coherent rather than offensive.
A righteous man leading multiple women under covenant:
Honors female instinct rather than shaming it
Protects women rather than pitting them against each other
Channels desire into legacy, not secrecy
Produces households instead of situationships
This is not lust. It is order.
It is also why Scripture never condemns righteous men with multiple wives, even while condemning adultery, abandonment, and abuse.
God regulated households because He understood human nature. The modern church chose instead to deny it.
Where this leaves us now
The collapse we are witnessing is not accidental.
It is the predictable outcome of replacing God’s design with tradition while pretending human instincts would obediently comply.
They never do.
Until the church is willing to distinguish between desire and disorder, and between instinct and sin, the fallout will continue:
Fewer marriages
Fewer children
More broken homes
More silent competition
More women aging out while waiting for a system that no longer works
Why we teach this openly
This is why we teach biblical marriage, including polygyny, inside Man of Options and Faithful Femininity.
Not because it is trendy. Not because it is comfortable. But because it aligns Scripture, biology, and observable reality.
We are not interested in maintaining appearances. We are interested in restoring truth.
And the truth does not disappear simply because it offends tradition.
If this article resonated with you, the video that accompanies it goes deeper emotionally, and the communities behind it exist to build real households, not just arguments.
The question is not whether this system already exists.
It does.
The question is whether it will continue in covenant, or remain trapped in the shadows.
Comments